Celine Dion - Taking Chances (Sony, 2007)

The world failed to inform me that Celine Dion recently became a man.

The Birthday Massacre -- Walking With Strangers (Metropolis, 2007)

This one's just too obvious.

Animal Collective -- Strawberry Jam (Domino, 2007)

Animal Collective provides the grossest cover I've seen outside of a Kevin Blechdom disc in some time. Despite the album title, it took me a while to figure out what this stuff actually is. Guts and bloody brain matter both crossed my mind first, and even after I connected the image to jam, I still thought maybe it was something disgusting dressed up to look like preserves. I'm not sure what's going on with the plate as a whole, but since I'm not going to eat anything like it and will shelve the disc with the spine facing out, I don't really need to investigate it any more.

[Sidenote: jelly bread goes great with pasta, but apparently most people think that idea's more sickening than the Strawberry Jam cover.]

Joni Mitchell - Shine (Hear Music, 2007)

The best thing about the cover for this record (Joni's first for Starbucks' label, where she shares the roster with Macca -- 10 bucks says Elvis Costello signs next) is that thick blue patch that obscures one-third of it. Shades of Blue, Pt. II? (Bleu Deux is catchier.) Not that I'm holding my breath here...but let's hope that ballet scene doesn't mean this is a collaboration with Tim Rice.

[EDIT: Okay, so apparently that thick blue strip isn't part of the original cover shot, and I'm guessing you remove it with the disc's plastic packaging. I'd recommend keeping the CD wrapped in plastic, if possible.]

Jes - Disconnect (Ultra, 2007)

Jes provides one of the most incongruous album covers I've seen in a while. The style makes sense for the music of Disconnect, but the guitar's just too out of place, too much of a fashion accessory. It's not that there's no guitar on the album, but it's an electronic disc, a little trip-hop, some trance, but even if you go with the "rocktronica" label, it doesn't make sense to take some sort of detached guitarslinger pose on the cover. The stripe looks great; the earrings and tie work, but the guitar says something completely different, maybe that she's Liz Phair for the house set. It's a nice visual, but it just doesn't make sense in connection with her music.